lookback.

<3

" From here on out, I am only interested in what is real.

Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm interested in "

hope regret love

have you ever noticed we stay with the people that hurt us most. the people we know we shouldn't be with. but yet we have this attraction that overcomes the pain. it's rather unexplainable really.maybe we do it because it's the only thing nowadays we really have to fight for. even if its a one way street when it comes to feelings. you could love someone yet they may love someone else and you find yourself always around. eventually time has to take its tole right. and well, if it doesn't i persume we'd be rather stuck. sometimes we need new paths and new directions, but even if we are given those options some choose to stay on the same path. why? i could not really tell you. maybe it's because of hope? wheither it be false hope or true hope. hope is hope. hope that one day wheither it be a couple days, months or even years. perhaps everything you've faught for. will have meaning and purpose. if not then we fear regret and a waste of time.i guess you could say hope is the thing that keeps most going, in rough times.people teach us lessons relationships teach us lessons. if you don't end up where you'd hoped then eventually within time to come, you will have learned what drives you, motivates you and pushed you further. you will find new things to fight for. and you may even end upright back where you started. where attraction overcame pain.

constant change.

the truth of the matter is people constantly change. nothing in life is consitant ;its good. but there should be consitancy when it comes to friendships and relationships. people have never been taught how to respect people or accept commitment. cause no one has shown them that sometimes you WONT be let down. thats why everyone runs when things get hard cause your to scared to let people get close or talk shit through. society isnt showing people that you CAN have friendships. everytime something is really good people hide. and shut people out. noone wants to get hurt. nobody really trusts anyone. cause i've noticed it's true, when you do, you get screweed over. but i think its really important to look who you've had and who your true friends are. cause i garuntee that no matter what they will be there. maybe thats the problem? you get the comfort of knowing someones always there so you take advantage of it. i'd like to think this isn't true. but it is its reality and it sucks. people who talk shit and are inconsitant in friendships will win. because its what people want. they don't want someone thats always there. that scares them. sometimes i think it's pathetic.

clueless.facts.meaningless?

it will always be you over anything or anyone. i might be aware of how crazy it is. or that it's nothing to you but it happens anyways. my heart will always beat that one beat quicker then the rest around you. i'll always conciter you before them. anything else will be satisfation. not infactuation. you just might be the only one that makes my stomach crazy at the slightest touch. or even the thought of kissing you. it is close to impossible to ever stay mad. but it is possible to be constantly jealous. and almost sick. yet still proceed with encouraging what makes you sick. forever i won't leave. you may walk out but i won't. maybe i'm living off false hope&untrue words. they are whats steering me in the same path as always.maybe just maybe im addicted to that feeling i get around you and no one else. nothing can compare to those possible added up 15 minutes of complete chaos . nothing to you but something to me. i would love to scream at you every unsent letter i've ever wrote. or every feeling i've felt. it may not have been so hard if it was given a chance and it didn't work out. life isn't fair and life isn't easy. but maybe there is still hope.that down the line you'll clue in and grow up. its that gut instinct that doesn't let go. hell if i could change it i would. i really would. because this kind of pain is rather disheartning and makes it hard to believe that anything can be this real. but honeslty if it stays like this for the rest of life. then satisfaction will do. i can pretend to be extremely happy. that gut feeling will never leave though. you just get good at hiding it after a while. the one thing i do beleive in is that i won't feel this way with anyone else. sure i'm "too young" or i don't know what else there is. i dont need to know. i truly don't. you dont have to beleive a single word i say. but that feeling says it all, and i know you know it; you feel it with her.

relaxation.comfort

I swim across an ocean It's my matress in the basement I'm sweatin' out excuses That would make your stomach turn The road we drove last night Stretched from the desert to Las Vegas We filled our cups, and lit one up The snow began to burn maybe, we were made We were made for each other Ahh, is it possible for the World to look this way forever? I talked so much, I'm sure I didn't realize I'd gone crazy Didn't catch my bloody nose Or that my heart tried to explode I still live with my High School friends Some people never change at all We're still the same compulsive drunks We were when we were small A long way from from a firework daze But i still like to burn,I'm always in the haze of a car crash,The orange airbag dust covers everything;everything