clueless.facts.meaningless?

it will always be you over anything or anyone. i might be aware of how crazy it is. or that it's nothing to you but it happens anyways. my heart will always beat that one beat quicker then the rest around you. i'll always conciter you before them. anything else will be satisfation. not infactuation. you just might be the only one that makes my stomach crazy at the slightest touch. or even the thought of kissing you. it is close to impossible to ever stay mad. but it is possible to be constantly jealous. and almost sick. yet still proceed with encouraging what makes you sick. forever i won't leave. you may walk out but i won't. maybe i'm living off false hope&untrue words. they are whats steering me in the same path as always.maybe just maybe im addicted to that feeling i get around you and no one else. nothing can compare to those possible added up 15 minutes of complete chaos . nothing to you but something to me. i would love to scream at you every unsent letter i've ever wrote. or every feeling i've felt. it may not have been so hard if it was given a chance and it didn't work out. life isn't fair and life isn't easy. but maybe there is still hope.that down the line you'll clue in and grow up. its that gut instinct that doesn't let go. hell if i could change it i would. i really would. because this kind of pain is rather disheartning and makes it hard to believe that anything can be this real. but honeslty if it stays like this for the rest of life. then satisfaction will do. i can pretend to be extremely happy. that gut feeling will never leave though. you just get good at hiding it after a while. the one thing i do beleive in is that i won't feel this way with anyone else. sure i'm "too young" or i don't know what else there is. i dont need to know. i truly don't. you dont have to beleive a single word i say. but that feeling says it all, and i know you know it; you feel it with her.